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Have you ever thought about how we engage with children and young people impacts on them? As professionals, we aim for high standards – well planned and delivered lessons, managing multiple children’s needs, assessing work, extra-curricular activities and the never-ending to do list. When children and young people want to disclose, we suddenly find ourselves in the safeguarding headspace too. Our minds are busy scrambling to recall procedure; this is a moment we don’t want to make mistakes in. Children choose who they disclose to, they do so from a place of bravery and vulnerability. It’s important to recognise that how that disclosure develops will have an impact on what happens next, and ultimately on the child’s life.
Receiving a safeguarding disclosure well starts long before a child or young person tells us that something has happened. Its roots are in the culture they experience around them; how adults respond to everyday concerns, whether their views matter, and what happens when someone challenges behaviour that causes harm.
A healthy school culture embeds safeguarding as foundational practice. It is evident in respectful relationships, accountable leadership and environments where everyone is valued. Children are recognised as individuals with strengths, experiences and potential, with space to grow and flourish. The way we as adults speak, listen and exercise authority communicates whether that commitment is real or not.
Within the school culture, we need both safe and brave spaces to exist. Safe spaces support children to participate without fear of humiliation, exclusion or harm and brave spaces allow difficult experiences to be named and uncomfortable conversations to take place. Commitment to receiving disclosures well means we must be willing to hear things that challenge our assumptions, including concerns about people or organisations we trust.
Trust and relational safety are fundamental to effective safeguarding practice. Research on child sexual abuse disclosure highlights the importance of trusted relationships and opportunities to tell, where children anticipate being taken seriously.1 2 Psychological safety means feeling able to speak without fear of shame, rejection or blame; and its created long before we recognise that a child needs help. We all use experiences of trust, relational and psychological safety to determine who we share our secrets with, and children are no different.
Understanding the disclosure process
For a child, disclosure can be one of the most frightening and vulnerable moments of their life. They are weighing up whether they will be believed, what will happen to their family, and whether disclosing will make their life worse. Our response matters as it influences whether they continue seeking help or feel unable to risk speaking again.3
Disclosures are rarely linear, as the Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse explains: “A child rarely tells everything about their abuse in one go.”4 Think of information as fragmented storytelling; like a jigsaw puzzle, the whole picture emerges piece by piece, and rarely in any form of logical order. The brain’s ability to protect itself from recalling the details of trauma, can further increase the likelihood of a fragmented disclosure.
A direct disclosure involves a child or a concerned person telling us about harm, but disclosures can often be indirect and therefore harder to identify. They can be something that we see, overhear, smell or, the feeling that something isn’t quite right – these can be difficult to immediately recognise as a form of disclosure.
Responding with care and clarity
Active listening is a key technique in receiving disclosures well. Putting aside distractions, allowing pauses and resisting the urge to fill silence can be difficult when we want to understand what a child is communicating.
Always give the child space to speak in their own words. Where clarification is necessary, think TED (Tell, Explain, Describe). Check your understanding by summarising back to them what you have heard. If you are missing key details, this is the opportunity to gather that information.
Top tips for responding well
Reassurances given should be clear and grounded: “Thank you for telling me”, “You have done the right thing” and “This is not your fault.” Recognise the bravery involved without overwhelming them with praise. “That sounds difficult to talk about” acknowledges the emotional effort of speaking.
Find out what they need. Asking “What would help you right now?” or “Is there anything you are particularly worried about?” creates space for their wishes and concerns. Offer manageable choices, such as taking a pause or identifying a trusted adult. Remember that involving children does not mean placing responsibility for safeguarding decisions onto them.
Explain what happens next in language they understand. Be honest about confidentiality and who needs to receive the information. We should never promise secrecy or outcomes we cannot guarantee. Where next steps are necessary despite their wishes, explain why and continue involving them wherever possible.
Support must continue after the conversation. Explain available options without overwhelming the child, including safeguarding staff, trusted adults and specialist support. Follow through on agreed actions and keep them informed as matters progress. A referral to statutory services does not remove their need for reassurance or a familiar person who will listen and support them.
When we don’t get our response right
As safeguarding practitioners, we must be open to the possibility that sometimes, despite our good intentions, we get things wrong. Harmful responses to a disclosure include disbelief, minimisation, blame and rushing towards solutions before acknowledging distress. Telling a child to “move on”, questioning why they did not speak sooner, or defending the person named can close down the disclosure. As a result, it may be a very long time before they feel able to disclose again.
When reflection reveals that our response caused harm, we must address it. Acknowledging what happened, apologising without defensiveness and correcting misleading information are key in any restorative response.
Survivor voice matters
A truly trauma-informed safeguarding culture will have survivor voice at centre. Research repeatedly emphasises how people experienced the response, including whether they felt heard, believed and respected.5 “Hear me. Believe me. Respect me.”
Every voice matters, including voices that are hesitant, fragmented or communicated without speech. Children need to experience dignity during disclosure and afterwards, with ongoing dependable support. We cannot undo the harm they have experienced, but we can ensure that by receiving a disclosure well, children and young people experience dignity, belief and safety as they bravely speak out.
References:
1 Brennan, E., & McElvaney, R. (2020). What helps children tell? A qualitative meta-analysis of child sexual abuse disclosure. Child Abuse Review, 29(2), 97–113. https://doi.org/10.1002/car.2617
2 Allnock, D., & Kiff, J. (2023). Listening to children and young people’s experiences of disclosing child sexual abuse: Insights for the proposed mandatory reporting duty in England and Wales. NSPCC.
3Allnock, D., & Miller, P. (2013). No one noticed, no one heard: A study of disclosures of childhood abuse. NSPCC.
4 Glinski, A., & Sabin, N. (2025). Communicating with children: A guide for those working with children who have or may have been sexually abused (2nd ed.). Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse. https://doi.org/10.47117/JWPC8394
5 Smith, N., Dogaru, C., & Ellis, F. (2015). Hear me. Believe me. Respect me. A survey of adult survivors of child sexual abuse and their experiences of support services. University Campus Suffolk and Survivors in Transition.
leigh McFarlane
Leigh is Director of Kaizen Safeguarding, bringing 30 years’ experience across safeguarding across education, statutory, voluntary and faith-based settings. She holds a Master’s degree in Safeguarding in the International Context with distinction and is a published academic author. Her work spans research, public policy engagement at Westminster, Holyrood and Stormont. Through her frontline services of consultancy, training and professional support, Leigh helps organisations embed safeguarding in everyday practice. Her approach is practical, trauma-informed and collaborative, with a clear vision: a culture of safeguarding excellence in every organisation, driving personal safety. You can find out more about Leigh’s work at www.kaizensafeguarding.org
